No more secrets


I am a survivor of horrific child abuse by multiple family members that started at age 5 with molestation by a 16-year-old cousin of my father’s. My father started abusing me when I was about 9 then raped me when I was almost 12. The abuse and grooming continued until I ran away from home for the last time at 17. The shame I’ve carried for 44 years has been heavy.

I’ve cut contact with most of the people on my father’s side of the family and the trauma bond I had with him was broken in 2022. The family members I’m still in contact with don’t understand why I disclosed and went public.

I went public because the shame of things done to me in secret will die in the light. It is my healing journey and no one gets to dictate how I heal. No one has earned my silence forever.

These secrets thrive in the darkness, and the shame dies in the light. It’s not about my abusers, it’s not about those who stood by. It’s about what I need. This is what I need, and I need to be supported.

I tell my story because it needs told. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys have been victims of CSA at least once by the time they turn 18, and 93% of them knew their abuser.

We were children, unable to defend ourselves and we were preyed upon often by those who were supposed to protect us.

I will not be silent anymore so I can be whole, to discover who I was supposed to be, to get back that little girl that died over 40 years ago.

CSA damages a child, some beyond repair. It alters brain structure and studies show it causes epigenetic changes in the genes without changing the DNA.

If you need help, please go to RAINN:

https://www.rainn.org